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4033

by No Guts

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1.
4033 03:41
It was there I saw you Cool and bare and young Two wires disconnected Left sparking in the flood I tried to see if I could make it, Just one night without drinking Maybe I’d wake up the next day and not spend the whole thing puking All over something I said, all over again It was there I met you Playing hockey with the rats Bowed floors we will remember Saint Tommy saw to that I tried to see if I could make it my whole life without thinking And maybe one day I’d wake up and I could bend without breaking All over something I said, all over again (All over again…) No one’s ever told me anything I didn’t already know Well nobody’s told me anything
2.
It’s starting again, the stretch and the swell. Distressing those around me; they aren’t built for hell. And all will see how you’ve come for me. They’ll all be wishing that you’d let me be. But I’m the fool, the stubborn jewel, In my crown of bloody thorns, that I will push, And it will bore, Til I can’t press anymore; Then you will see That if I could, you know I would; I’d cut out the rot, all that I should I’ll sustain but you remain I will maintain I will maintain
3.
It is dark and it used to be light It is heavy and it used to be bright You are the worry rock, worn down by my grip You are my teacher, you captain this ship It seems to me this drinks too big for two I’d rather my room with a light and a view My hands are getting soaked in concrete, I’m sinking; I’m getting real close and I’m deep Grace to keep sinking, grace to stay safe Grace to keep thinking you know my face If we’re being honest, you wouldn’t do any better
4.
Friendship is a faith and yours is spread pretty thin. We’re all getting tired, playing games we’ll never win; I’m failing you. It seems you’ve found love in a place I can’t follow. I won’t taste your mercy, it hurts to much to swallow; I’m failing you; you’re saving me. Your sight is distorted, our tongues never rest. We breathe our deceit, we bleed out the rest. Well if friendship is a faith, I am nearly alone. As god might expect, I will take and take and take until; I’m failing you. You’re saving me. My sight is distorted, my tongue never rests. We breathe our deceit, we bleed out the rest. Your eyes are gleaming, shivering hope. Salvation is waiting, to see how we cope. I’m failing you, I’m failing me.
5.
It isn’t what I said, It’s what you did I’m just happy you’re alive, I’m just happy you’re alive, And tonight, I sing a life It isn’t what you did, its what you saw. I get it, we feel cursed, I get it, we feel raw. I’m just happy you’re alive, I’m just happy you’re alive, I’m just happy you’re alive, Tonight, we’ll sing alive You're always welcome in my home, I'm just happy you're alive.
6.
I am grief and I’m a liar didn’t mean to sing along The tune it was so soothing, In our hearts we’re brooding We aren’t sure but it’s our song. At least I’ve got my, At least I’ve got my, At least I’ve got my bloody knuckles I am grief and I am heavy My hooks fill your lungs with lead The words you’d throw my way, You couldn’t say them anyway What good is comfort when your dead? At least I’ve got my, At least I’ve got my, At least I’ve got my bloody knuckles I am grief and I am real, Taking guise as empathy, I’m grateful you are living, As you chances they are slipping, They cried wolf, that wolf is me. They cried wolf, that wolf is me. At least I’ve got mine
7.
I'm sympathetic but I need some calm, (my head is heavy, I can trust you to guard my heart) Take a moment; I'm exhausted and disarmed. (in the dark and quiet, purely terrified) I won't engage you in the dirt. I won't tell you all the ways you made us hurt. I won't be who you want me to be. That's alright, (It's Mine, it's Kind, I'm Fine) I guess I see now what you mean, You made a big deal over being clean Now there is order, the abuse is sober These graves will dig themselves, plenty deep. I wont call out or repeat, I won't cut my teeth on the hand from which I eat I can't be who you want me to be, That's alright, Youre so friendly, but your kindness is killing me you gave me credit, now I'm choking on debts to please. I'm spent, made broken by your gifts I'll take the fear, over the loneliness You’re so friendly, but your kindness is killing me So understanding, sympathetic in suffering Last grace, the waste that I've become I take the fear, into oblivion There we can start again There we will start again
8.
Spidernets 05:43
I am circumspect. It’s not the first time it’s happened since I left my bed. It feels like it’s been a whole year, since I left it. I'll get over this. It's not the first time it's happened and it wont be the last I won't take things out of their context. I don't have to be alone I don’t have to keep it together. No I don’t have to be alone, ‘cause I don’t have to be anything. This is all it takes, one stumble one slip and I just release, then I watch myself as I dissolve, into the pillar of salt, but I'm still looking back (won't change anything at all) "You'll be fine", I tell myself and I repeat it so religiously, You’d think that I’d start to believe in anything. I don't have to play along, I don't have to play the part, I don’t have to play along, I don’t have to be anything at all. This takes everything I have, it takes it all. It takes everything we have, it takes it all, it takes it all, but I will survive.
9.
Pink Neon 02:18
Can you meet me, Off Kincaid street, From the under the wrong bridge we’ll head to the blue light, Down by the river. Listening to Kevin, Send Michelle on her mission, He says he’s leaving come the morning, Going back to jail. They’re like strangers in a backdoor bar, doing lines in the bathroom stalls, This is what brought us where we are, Not one step closer, but never far. Is your house decorated, Have you found yourself a good man? Well, is he hungry? Come and give us a kiss! Yeah, right on the lips! Now it’s not my problem, If it’s not your problem, If we can fix all this in ten long years, What’s the use? Being strangers in a backdoor bar, doing lines in the bathroom stall. This is what brought us where we are, Not one step closer, but never far. Never far.
10.
White and red, Were the blood and the bread, But with three small nails, You gave in to death and left, us to cope. Well, I don’t need the body, But I’ll gladly take the wine, And I’ll drink until I’m fine, With the shame you supplied, Weaponized, and refined. But I don’t know if I’ll die, But it matters less and less all the time. So Jesus take the wheel, I probably shouldn’t be driving. And I‘ll just close my eyes, Because you can’t take me… This road seems alive, as it merges and divides, I can barely see the lines, But I’m guilty more than blind, I don’t know how to cope When the wine is all spent, can’t you just let this end, in steel and cement? I’ll believe I repent, I let go, take me home, Where I won’t know that I’ve died, And it matters less and less all the time So Jesus take the wheel, while I just close my eyes, I'll pray there’s no one else on the road tonight, Because you can’t take me alive. Jesus take the wheel, because I’m gonna need a little complicity, I can’t do this on my own, I need to know that I’m not alone, And that you want to bring me home, but that you can’t take me, No you can’t take me, No you can’t take me, No you won’t take me alive.

credits

released December 12, 2019

Written and performed by No Guts with additional voices by Erik Wallace.

Violins on Track 10 performed by Lee Spiders.

Engineered and produced by Erik Takuichi Wallace at Jackpot! Recording Studio in Portland, OR.
Additional tracking at Champion Street Sound Studios in Bellingham, WA and Skeeter’s Barn in Sumas, WA.
Mixed by Erik Takuichi Wallace at Shibusa Sound in Bellingham, WA.
Mastered by Levi Seitz at Black Belt Mastering in Seattle, WA.

No Guts is:

Andy Beer - Guitar, Vocals
Andrew Wild - Guitar, Vocals
Ryan Baily - Drums
Justin Taylor - Bass Guitar, Vocals

No Guts would like to thank James Pitzer.
This album is dedicated to survivors.

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No Guts Bellingham, Washington

Be nice. Party hard.

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